The act of surrendering is in itself so much bigger than your situation. When you surrender, it is your entire life that you are offering up. This includes plans, desires, timelines, and everything else.
And I’m one of those believers who plan everything. I had a way I saw my college years going. I have a way I desire my love story to manifest. And if something falls out of plan, I completely become overwhelmed and have the audacity to say “this isn’t God” as if my plans aligned to God’s will from the jump— as if I have the best interest for my soul. God has literally stripped so many things from me this year. He’s erased plans. He’s released people from around me. He has completely flipped the way I thought year 19 was suppose to go. And in this, I’ve learned that I had a spirit of perfection. Meaning that everything had to go a certain way and if a mistake is made, I would carry myself in shame as if I don’t have a Savior who gave His life for that. As if grace doesn’t extend and has an expiration date. But something that my Spelman sister told me the other night while ministering to me was that “perfect is not ministry”. I am not perfect. I am not worthy. But somehow, still, I am chosen. That’s the grace I allow myself to be carried by. What I want to tell you today is that it is still safe to surrender. It is safe to come out from hiding whether it be in shame, defeat, or guilt. I know it seems like hell is breaking all around you, but your surrender declares demons to kill themselves in front of you. I pray that you wholeheartedly follow God into the unknown places. One of my mentors told me that “you have to be okay with being God’s pawn”. You’re not going to have all of the answers, but you will have the presence of God that moves on your behalf, that brings you clarity if you seek with an open heart. There is nothing too bad you have done that Christ didn’t die for. If we didn’t make mistakes there wouldn’t be room for God. Stop making a home in your plans because your plans can disrupt your breakthrough. It’s safe to surrender here. Wherever you are. It’s safe. I had my breakthrough last night at church. I don't know why this breakthrough inspired me so to come back to a blog I haven't written on in almost a year, but here I am. Available and free. There is much more to be said in the coming weeks. The testimonies about how my mind was almost lost. The testimonies about how the devil tried to kill my bloodline. But as for now, find me here trusting in God so fiercely. Because I realize that there is a whole other realm that God is working in on my behalf. I’m tuning in to that realm more closely. And if God is still working, then I am still knowing.
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