Listen, I have been the most imperfect, stubborn daughter. I've held on to things my Father tells me to loose. I've held on to people who were only meant to serve me for a season. I've held on to shame and worry like grace didn't reach out to me.
Truth is, I’ve had problems with surrendering. And even though I know it’s safe, it still seems like I want to stay hidden in my own thoughts that are ultimately dangerous to my journey. Letting go is never easy. It’s a process that requires submission, prayer, and maybe some fasting and breaking the flow. In this year, I realize there are some things that I could have done better and there were some situations that could have been handled differently. I’m flawed, y’all. But the beautiful thing— is that God already knows and loves you still, in spite of it all. So, what has helped my journey of letting go has been the act of pressing into God so intentionally. Pressing into God could mean a variety of things to you. It could be taking time throughout your day to worship rather than tuning into that secular playlist, it could be replacing music in your car with your favorite Pastor’s sermons, it could be taking time off of social media to clear your headspace and receive Godly wisdom, it could even be fasting from your favorite food to allow God to write strength and surrender onto your heart. Pressing into God “hits differently” when trying to let go of an old thing. I think a beautiful story that is fitting for this time and conversation is the birth of Jesus. God first declared that if we disobeyed Him, He would kill us. The wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23)— “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord,”. But when Adam and Eve first sinned, He knew that He didn’t want Heaven without us, so He sacrificed His own Son to pay the price we should have paid. Literally, if seasons change, that story never will. His love for us is unmatched. It’s the greatest love story ever told. It’s constant. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Clinging to God is the safest space your healing can manifest. So... testimony time! I’ve been holding on to this one. The week before I came back to college to begin sophomore year, I was diagnosed as a "almost" pre-diabetic. Pre-diabetes is a stage where your blood sugar has risen above normal but has not become diabetic level. Hearing this— It felt like my world stopped. I had a lot of anxiety attacks. I had to get adjusted to a new medication that had the craziest side effects. I remember life feeling dark. Now, five months after my diagnosis— Glory to God— my blood sugar is back to normal!! But, I am still taking precautions to ensure that it never rises again. Once I started declaring “I’m healed” and actually began believing the worship songs and verses I ministered that proclaimed “God is a healer”, things began to change and I learned that the miracle that I cried for simply depended on my ability to submit. Darkness has been defeated. The enemy has had an appetite for me, but he’s just going to have to starve. He doesn't have access to me like he use to. There's been a prayer warrior birthed out of me. See, I had to let go of my worrying even though it hurt like hell— even though fear surrounded me, and even though it felt like hell was breaking all around me. I had to let go, so I could grasp onto the promise. In praying one night, sobbing in my dorm room, I heard God tell me “I will fill every void with new oil,” In everything I’ve lost, there will be a new thing that will enter. New health, new relationships, new mornings. Remember how I said, the “gift that keeps on giving”? With 2019 approaching, I am reminded to always embrace the Gospel as a student. Jesus is my teacher. In every part of the Bible where Jesus ministered, it was always a lesson. So may I always remember that perfection isn’t in my identity. I am a student constantly being molded into understanding higher dimensions. May I also remember that in being a student, there is a grace that reaches for me. For the times when I fail, He doesn’t write me off. Rather, He writes the deed off and embraces me like I’ve never sinned. Grace is sometimes hard to submit to with the human eye, but it exists in the Heavenly places just for you. God, you know this year has not been picture-perfect-pretty for me. You know my heart and the weight I stubbornly carry. In 2019, I pray that you continue to break shackles off of me and off of all of your sons and daughters. In entering 2018, I wrote how “I know that you could care less about what year it is; you are not moved by time. But you do care that I continue to die daily and walk faithfully in our covenant...“ So with that truth still relevant, I declare healing in the spiritual and the natural. I get weak sometimes Lord— strengthen me and teach me. Teach me how to accept grace. And may Heaven continue to enter my heart in the most beautiful way. I love you, God. You are the greatest gift ever received. Keep me in perfect peace God, through flaws and all. “If You gladly chose surrender, so will I.” Merry Christmas and Happiest of Holidays to you, -jrm Scriptures to meditate on: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” -Philippians 4:6 “He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’” -Psalm 46:10 “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” -Isaiah 43:18-19 “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” -James 4:7 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28 “Anyone who goes too far and does not abide in the teaching of Christ, does not have God; the one who abides in the teaching, he has both the Father and the Son.” -2 John 1:9
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