I created this blog at the beginning of my sophomore year, fall 2014. This blog has been my safe haven all throughout the remainder of my high school experience. I shared my testimony of growth and perseverance. I shared my truest sincere feelings on topics and I spoke my heart to its core. I became stronger in my stance for purity and became bolder in my passion to pursue Christ. I graduated high school way stronger than I came in. And I am transforming this safe space into an even safer haven for college.
This fall, I will be attending Spelman College, the number 1 historically black college in the nation. That testament comes with a such a journey behind it. Spelman has been my dream school since I began this blog. I found out about my beloved institution through google one night searching for colleges that would fit me. Spelman captivated me, but I was hesitant with it for one being an all women's institution, and at that point, I had never set my eyes on an HBCU, but that night, I remember hearing a voice saying, "this is it". I applied the fall of my senior year, and was accepted on early notification status. I received my blue envelope 3 days after Christmas, and joy is an understatement. 8,500 young women applied all over the country, and only 550 of us were accepted. I was accepted into my dream school with a 6.4% acceptance rate. During senior year, my faith was extremely tested. As obstacles came, my confidence weakened, my fear increased, and my doubts haunted my mind. I became so stressed about my college decisions, scholarships, and etc that I remember just becoming depressed. I was not sure what direction God wanted me to go in. In the midst of all that, I had just withstood a heartbreak, resulting from screaming yes to a relationship when God said no. I didn't get the ACT score that I so strived for, and that about broke me. I spent Christmas in a funk because of it. And worst of all, at that time, I was the farthest away from God. I still lead worship at church and I remember telling my Dad at the time that I felt nothing when I worshipped. I felt empty. After that, I remember driving to school one morning and sitting in the parking lot with such a heavy heart. I scrolled down Facebook like I did every morning, and I saw this post by my favorite Facebook page "Waiting for My Boaz": "But have you ever noticed how the mountaintop is more barren, while the valley is lush and green? The valley where good soil lies. This is where vegetation occurs. Many people choose to live in valleys due to good soil for growing food. Good soil is essential to life. It affects our oxygen, our food, our shelter, and clothing. Without it we could not exist. So my question to you is did you prepare for your next trip to the mountain top? I feel like I've been camping out in the valley for a while now. My prayer life isn't what it should be, I'm dealing with a lot of issues in my heart that try to hinder me from my precious Jesus. I am not what you picture your perfect Christian girl being. It's not Him who has moved away, it's been me." I remember breaking down crying, asking God to come back into my life and guide me in the way I should go. At that moment, I put my heart on the altar and allowed God to make me whole once again. A huge confidence boost was being accepted into Spelman, because just a week before my heart was crushed about the ACT. Now my next obstacle was, how can I attend? Spelman is a private liberal arts institution. I knew that my family would have to endure a great sacrifice. This haunted me. I began to feel selfish, my stress intensified, and I began to block God out once again. It's crazy because I went to church one Wednesday night with this burden on my spirit, and one of my close friends noticed it and pulled me aside and asked what was wrong. I couldn't even form words. Everything was wrong, and all I could do was break down. I remember weeping saying, "I don't know what to do anymore". I spoke with some trusted women at the church that night who prayed over my entire being. These burdens were too heavy to pray over alone, and I am forever grateful for those women who sacrificed their bible study time to pray over my mind. I remember one of them saying, "Lord, give Jasmine the mind to hear only You." That was January 2017. It is now June, and all I can hear is His voice. I lived the rest of my senior year casting out any voices that were not from God. God healed me from my heartbreak, He restored my confidence, He shattered my fears and turned them into testimonies. I graduated high school with a 4.2 GPA, 97 NGA, in the top 10% of my class, student body president, and with special distinction honors. How did I do it? I not only heard His voice, but I listened to it. "You are worthy," He said, and I believed. "You are a conqueror," He said, and I believed. "It is well," He said, and my soul believed. I declare and decree that my transition to college in Atlanta, GA will be well. I declare and decree that I will come out of college debt free. (I haven't received any institution or outside scholarships yet, but God is faithful. I trust in the process.) I declare and decree that I will become a stronger vessel to God's kingdom at Spelman College, And I will continue to hear and listen to the Lord, my God who made a way out of NO way for me, at Spelman College. Thank you for praying for me, when you didn't even know what you were praying for. I haven't been as active on this blog because I have been listening to God so intensely. I will never feel the way I felt last winter ever again. If it's one thing that I learned in my senior year, it is that God is faithful. God is faithful. God is so faithful. Even when I am unfaithful. He is faithful. I know that it wasn't Him who moved away this year, but it was me. That is my imperfection, but Christ loved me so much for them that He died for them. If God was faithful to raise and resurrect Jesus from the tomb then I know that He is faithful to raise me from any burden or any circumstance. I lost friends this year. I gained a few, and I lost a few, and I beat myself up over my losses. I wanted people to value me like I valued them. But God is faithful, and last night at 3 AM I said this prayer to God: "Lord, eliminate those who do not value my presence, and send me soul sisters and brothers who will value me the same way that I value them. Make me over again." Senior year was a ride. But in all years of school, the growth that I endured this year was the greatest. I know that God has prepared me for my next chapter. Continue to keep my heart in your prayers. My safe haven is definitely coming with me to Atlanta. I cannot wait for you to hear my Spelman journey. Until then, I send my love. GOD, I MADE IT! I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!!! YOUR WISDOM COVERED ME. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Provers 3:5-6 ~ My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26 ~ He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. Psalm 91:4 ~ I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. Do your best to come to me soon. 2 Timothy 4:7-9
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